Last updated on February 16, 2022
Ivy Ryann’s “The Best I Can” represents the best of several different trends happening at once. First, this song documents mental health struggles: the decreasing of stigma around mental health concerns is a positive thing in society that has happened in the last 10+ years. The song is a bold, fearless indie rock track that explores unique sonic spaces, a la Phoebe Bridgers or Soccer Mommy (and the many other artists doing good work in this vein). And the no-chorus song structure is a continuation of a certain type of move away from “pop,” while still maintaining signifiers (such as the guitar tone) that connect it to indie rock. In other words, this fits in beautifully with what’s happening now, and you’re going to like it.
But “The Best I Can” is far more than a strong indie rock song about mental health. The compelling aspects here draw more on slowcore tunes (like those of Songs:Ohia) or deconstructed work (like early Damien Jurado). This tune has very little traditional structure, but it doesn’t feel contrived: instead, it reads like someone trying to soundtrack heartache and pain. Ryann’s voice leads the way, as almost 3:30 of the 5-minute song unspools before more than an occasionally strummed electric guitar accompanies the immediately engaging vocals. Once Ryann decides to kick in the band, things go maximalist: Ryann’s voice soars into a huge upper octave, the drums pound, the guitars roar, and the repeated lyrics of “I am trying / the best I can” land with enormous depth of passion.
It’s a powerful, unusual, remarkable track that struck me and then stuck with me. If you experience mental health concerns or love someone who does, this one will resonate.
We were lucky enough to get a few words with Ivy about the song:
What prompted you to write this song? What was the inspiration behind it?
I wrote this song when I hit a pretty steep decline in my mental health. I decided to leave town for a few days to clear my head. The “inspiration” behind this song is the idea that all you can do is your best. And my “best” changes on a daily basis. That made me so angry for a really long time. While I was writing this song, I started to shift that anger/self-hatred to a position of compassion and holding space for the disappointment I was experiencing in myself and in my community.
How did this song come together when you wrote it? What was the songwriting process like?
I started humming the tune to one of the verses while I was making a 10-hour drive out of state. I pulled out my phone and recorded a voice memo of the first verse lyrics, “I don’t know when I’ll be home//seems I left ages ago// I just need a little more time.” From there, I left it alone for a really long time. I eventually sat down with my guitar and started playing through a really simple chord progression and singing the bridge lyrics — “I am trying the best I can” — over myself. I felt like I was struggling so hard, fighting off depression, and I felt like it wasn’t enough for my friends and family. I felt like maybe everyone thought I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I ended up pretty much weeping over my guitar and singing (yelling?) the lyrics “I can’t do everything I can’t be everything,” and I started the process of self-forgiveness for being so harsh towards myself right there in that little moment. It quickly turned into a song that calmed and soothed my soul.
When you recorded this song, what kind of vibe were you going for? Did it end up sounding like you expected it to or did it come out different from what you thought it would be?
When we were recording, I told my producer, Rich Mossman, that I really wanted the lyrics to be the “star” of the song. So we left a lot of contemplative space in the song. I definitely had a vision going into this song, and I feel like we got exactly what we were looking for and more. The more we kept adding to the song I remember saying things like, “We are stepping on it too hard.” We recorded so many tracks and parts, but in reality we only used maybe 20% of the parts we tracked. I wanted the song to be so massive and so empty at the same time, but I wasn’t quite sure how to accomplish that. Somehow, after all of the “cutting away,” we ended up with a song I’m really proud of both lyrically and instrumentally.
What do you hope listeners get from the song? What do you want its message to be?
I want listeners to take away whatever they want from this song or any other songs of mine they choose to have an encounter with. I wrote this song, but the second it leaves my hands and gets into someone else’s living room, car, office, or playlist, it somewhat belongs to them in the way that they get to interpret it however they experience it best. I honestly hope nobody hears my story when they’re listening. I hope everybody feels a little self-compassion and kindness when they listen to this track. Anyone is free to listen in a way that soothes them most.
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“The Best I Can” arrives Friday, February 18, while A Nonaggressive Extreme Violation of Boundaries comes out March 4. Check out more work at Ryann’s website, Facebook, and Instagram.