Independent Clauses | n. —unusual words about underappreciated music

Small Arms Dealer-A Single Unifying Theory

May 1, 2006

Band Name: Small Arms Dealer

Album Name: A Single Unifying Theory
Best Element: The drummer keeps a steady beat?
Genre: Pop-Rock
Website: www.smallarmsdealer.net
Label Name: Deep Elm Records

Band E-mail: info@smallamrsdealler.com

So if you have ever wondered what Fall Out Boy would sound like if they were overweight middle-aged men who liked to say “fuck” a lot, you just found out. This album sounds like a few angry guys who got drunk one night and decided to make a band and decided to stick with it because they had told some girls they were in a band. There is no musical integrity here. I had friends in 8th grade writing more complex guitar lines and they played them with more accuracy then SAD (an ironically appropriate acronym for this band).

This is one of those bands that makes you wonder “why are there record labels?” I have never seen Deep Elm stoop so low to sign a band that has simplistic guitars, immature lyrics that rely solely on the word “fuck”, and no song structure. The band isn’t even heavy. They honestly sound like they are too lazy to put effort into their music. The only reason anyone would find any quality in this album is a result of the good recording and engineering.

The press release that came with this album billed SAD as a “heavy hitting rock band that would crush anything in its way,” which is very true. The guys are heavy, they are in a rock band and they will crush any beer can in between them and refrigerator.

-Scott Landis

redbassist66@comcast.net

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Stephen Carradini and friends write reviews of bands that are trying to make the next step in their careers.

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